


Cats and Cats

by AliasGoesHere



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Crack, Gen, Humor, Mystery, just writing this for fun lol, takes place a year into Firestar's reign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29780652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliasGoesHere/pseuds/AliasGoesHere
Summary: Strange happenings have begun in the forest. Trash has been found arranged into sculptures and mice have been rapidly becoming harder and harder to find. Mysterious creature have been seen at night, frolicking and leaving a strange scent in the air. What could possibly be going on?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

It began innocuously enough. Things had begun to disappear and reappear in different forms around the dump in Shadow Clan territory. The clan would settle in for the night to perfectly randomly scattered trash but awaken to large swaths missing only to reappear the next night in forms such as crude approximations of mice and the monsters that twolegs use, among other things that the Shadow Clan warriors did not recognize. It was bizarre but the dump was on the edges of their territory and the fact twolegs frequently come and go from the dump, which meant that it largely flew under the radar to the members of Shadow Clan. 

————

It was a Thunder Clan apprentice that first saw one of the creatures. The moon was nearly full and thus was perfect for a quick night hunt. The kill pile was reduced down to a single vole. It felt like half of all the she-cats in the clan had become queens all at the same time and tore through all the kills the still working warriors brought back and with their numbers at a fourth of what they usually are less food was being brought in in the first place. The little apprentice barely got any food that day! Only two finches and that last boney vole which they refused to eat on principle! 

Their stupid mentor didn’t understand, but they’d show him! Everyone always went on about how it was dangerous for apprentices to go out alone ‘just look at what happened to Brightheart! She got mauled by a dog when she went out without her mentor as an apprentice!’ 

Phaa! She went after the dog in the first place! They were going after a couple of mice! They’d be totally fine!

As the moon began to crest over the trees the little apprentice crept from the den and through a hole in the bushes near the warriors’ den, avoiding the night guards. Pleased with themselves from their daring escape from camp, they happily trotted towards the thunderpath. They thought they saw a mouse den over there earlier that day but their mentor hadn’t let them investigate because it was ‘too close to the thunderpath’ and they’d ‘get hurt.’ 

Uggghhhhh they’d be fine _obviously _! It’s not like they would be walking all over the thunder path like an idiot just Waiting for a monster to kill them! The mouse den was nearby not _on__ the thunderpath! _

_As the apprentice’s mood began to sour thinking back on the day’s events they neared the thunderpath and lo and behold! In the low shrubs lining the edge of the path was a telltale hole indicating a mouse den. Absolutely elated the apprentice began to creep towards it, excitedly wiggling into the beginnings of a pounce, when a thin shadow suddenly cut across the clear moonlight._

_Startled, the apprentice took their eyes off their target and glanced upwards towards the tall shadow. It seemed as if a twoleg was standing on the thunderpath, looming over the apprentice, features covered by shadow. That would have been horrifying enough, but then... but then it moved._

What... what _WAS THAT?!?_

It appeared to be a twoleg, but wrong! So incredibly wrong! 

Ears like a cat! Face like a cat! Even tail like a cat with a thick cat like pelt! From even a short distance it smelled of a cat, not a proper forest cat but like a mix of kitty pet and twoleg place rogues with a hint of the trashy musk that clings to Shadow Clan warriors at four tree gatherings despite their best attempts to clean themselves. 

It grinned at the apprentice with teeth much like those of a twoleg, slitted eyes glinting in the moonlight. To the cadence akin to bird song in the language of cats it crooned to the little apprentice, 

_“Are you blind when you're born?”_

The apprentice crept backwards, ears flattening and fur raising in alarm, 

_“Can you see in the dark?”_

Came a different voice from behind causing the apprentice to jump and whip around to see another creature behind them, and whisper in fear, 

“What... what are you?” 

When a third voice came and the creature it belonged to leaned over the poor apprentice, using its' too long twoleg-like paw to circle its eye and stare down at the apprentice. Lacking the strange cadence it's fellows had spoken with, 

“Could my eyes deceive me?” 

And a fourth creature appeared just as the rest had, out of seemingly thin air. All four began creeping closer to the now surrounded apprentice and they spoke musically in unison, 

_“Is there someone who has not heard of a Jellicle cat?”_  
————  
It was morning when the poor apprentice staggered back to the entrance to camp, eyes wide and fur on end only to be stopped by the Warrior on guard duty who rushed over with chastisements ready on her tongue. The whole camp had been in a tizzy over the missing apprentice, Brightpelt’s mauling and Swiftpaw’s death still fresh in the minds of the older generation and this stupid little kit decided to take a midnight tryst, but all thoughts of annoyance stopped when they saw the state of the poor apprentice. “What happened?! _Are you ok?!_ ” 

The apprentice stared unseeing at the Warrior and whispered almost beyond hearing, 

“The horror....” 

And promptly collapsed to the ground unmoving. 

__

————  
After the apprentice awoke and told their tale from where they rested in the medicine cat den, a portion of the warriors agreed that the insolent little kit was making up stories to cover what they had really done that night, but others, including the apprentice’s mother and their mentor agreed that they seemed too alarmed for that. It was more likely they had fallen asleep on their illegal nighttime walk and had a night terror, or had seen something they misunderstood. 

They were young after all and had only seen twolegs from a distance, maybe they had seen one on the thunderpath and interoperated it into a way they understood? It was strange but the clan agreed that once the apprentice calmed down from… whatever they saw, they’d be punished for sneaking out and then return to their apprenticeship.

That day the hunting parties came back with even less food than the day before, mostly finches and voles as almost no cat had found a mouse all day. It was bizarre and quite alarming to think that maybe twice in a generation there would be a food shortage. Of course, it was only the beginnings of a famine if the pattern of what had happened during Bluestar’s reign repeated. It was strange, as it was spring and hundreds of mice should be running around the forest floor, new and unafraid of the hunters as they are every year. It was only in summer that the mice that survived the initial slaughter in spring began to grow warier and less frequently found. 

Last time, it had been dogs poaching the creatures of the forest that should have been destined for the bellies of the clan. Perhaps there was something poaching kills once again?  
Despite their skepticism of the apprentices’ tale of what had happened that night perhaps there was a clue near the thunderpath? The dogs had been released by twolegs who frequent the thunderpath in their monsters so maybe? 

The leader of Thunder Clan, Firestar, was still relatively new to his position, only reigning for one rotation of the seasons after the traumatic death of Bluestar. Yet the young tom had practically been leader for a while Bluestar was lost in the through of grief and madness leading up to her joining Star Clan. He hummed in thought over the information his warriors had presented to him. 

He had heard the little apprentice’s tale first had and had thought that the kit had likely been dreaming or had seen some twolegs and became frightened but something was ringing false about that assumption in his mind. He mulled it over, remembering that they had mentioned the… creature… smelling like Shadow Clan they had seen at their first gathering a moon before.

Perhaps the other clan was poaching? It had happened before but that was due to Tigerstar’s and Scourge’s influence and both were very much dead (at this he tossed up a thought to Bluestar in thanks) and tensions between the clans had mellowed since then. He didn’t want to cause suspicion among the clans, as many did still hold animosity towards Shadow Clan for their past actions, but if they were poaching, that would be a problem. 

He nodded and leapt up onto the top of leader’s den to address the crowd of worried cats.

“I know you all are quite worried about the beginnings of another food shortage, as am I. Yet remember, it has only been a few days. If we act fast and act smart, we can likely find the source of this issue before it turns into a crisis.”

There was a muttering around the camp at those words, it seemed reasonable enough.

“Now, we have a few leads. Sandstorm,”

he nodded to his mate who waved her tail in acknowledgment, 

“I’d like you to lead a small group to the thunderpath and scout the area that apprentice claims to have seen a twolegged creature”

There was some conspiratorial muttering at that. Firestar leveled the crowd with a disapproving stare,

“Yes I know that apprentices story seems farfetched, but it is a lead and worth taking a look at no matter how silly it sounds. We do not want to overlook a possible led because it was witnessed by a cat that is barely out of kit-hood who saw something they didn't recognize in the dead of night.”

Some of the cats that had been muttering looked properly chastised and shuffled a bit, embarrassed to be called out by their leader.

“Graystripe,”

Firestar nodded to his trusted deputy who straightened up to attention, this one was a bit difficult, he would like someone to check with River Clan and see if they had been poached as well and Graystripe was likely their strongest swimmer, but Graystripe wasn’t very welcome there after violating clan laws and having kits with a River Clan she-cat who had tragically died during the birth.

“I’d like you to lead a group to Wind Clan boarder and see if you can investigate if they are having any food shortages, I know they do not often eat mice but it would be good to check, if you come across any warriors inquire if they have seen any mice lately but nothing more.”

Graystripe nodded in acceptance,

“Mousefur I’d like you to do the same for River Clan, and sniff around if there’s any abnormal twoleg activity in their territory, once again if you see any warriors, stay vague. Dustpelt, I’d like you to check along the border of our territory and the twoleg place, if you see any kittypets please inquire about any activity as well.”

Dustpelt sneered a bit at the idea of having to interact with kittypets but acknowledged the order. 

“That is all for now.”

“But what about Shadow Clan!” 

A shout came from the back of the crowd leading to echoing mutters and agreements, 

“Yeah! _They’re_ probably the poachers! 

”They’ve done it before and they’ll do it again!”

Firestar sighed, this is what he was afraid of. He quickly hushed the crowed with a yowl.

“I know many of you suspect Shadow Clan but that is why I am sending Sandstorm to the thunderpath to investigate, it is unlikely that they have crossed over without our notice and to talk to a member we would have to cross directly into their territory and with a potentially unknown entity on the loose nearby and more frequent monsters as of late, that's not feasible or necessary at this point. We are looking for information, not accusations. Now it is almost dusk, I would like Sandstorm and her group to go investigate now as the apprentice saw the creatures at night, the other two groups can wait for tomorrow but everyone else, I want business as usual. _That_ is all.”

A few cats grumbled but largely were placated as the four warriors Firestar had chosen began to make their groups. Once they were done the five-cat team Sandstorm gathered darted out of the camp entrance and into the encroaching twilight. 

————

Sandstorm flicked her tail to signal to her group to come to a stop. Sure enough there was a small hole in the brush near the edge of the thunderpath clearly visible in the light of the nearly full moon, just as the apprentice had said. 

A gathering would take place in about two-days’ time, if this food issue persisted Sandstorm wondered if they should bring it up at the gathering. On one paw, it may make Thunder Clan seem weak, but on the other if the rest of the clans were having the same issue… they’d just have to wait and see what they find today and tomorrow. 

One of the members of the group signaled Sandstorm to come and see something they had found. It was the scent of the little apprentice and… four others. Hm, it seemed they had told the truth, or at least had an encounter with four or more cats. Though their scent _was_ odd. 

Sniffing around the mouse hole, the fresh mouse smell indicated that it was likely there were mice inside. How strange that these foreign cats hadn’t eaten them despite their scents being directly on top of and around the hole. Sandstorm decided not to hunt the mice in the hole for now and indicated to her group that there may be some sort of clue about the state of the mice, but she wasn’t quite sure yet.

Another group member found a small amount of some sort of residue nearby that was the size of grains of sand individually and shone in the moon like how the sun reflects off the scales of a fish. How strange.

“Any theories so far?” 

Thornclaw meowed quietly, having found the most concrete evidence of foreign cats invading their territory in the form of a scrap of brown fur caught on a stick that none present could identify. It did smell faintly of Shadow Clan, but if it was a Shadow Clan member they likely abstained from gatherings, and Sandstorm at least made it her business to memorize the scents of any members of the opposing clans… just in case.

“It seems perhaps some rogue have wandered in. But it is strange. If there were enough to nearly completely take out the mouse population then we would have seen or smelled tale of them before now wouldn’t you think?”

Thornclaw hummed in agreement but looked thoughtful and returned to sniffing out more clues.

The group investigated around the thunderpath until the moon was high in the sky, finding more and more evidence that something as of yet unexplainable had happened the night before. Eventually, Cloudtail, who had strayed the farthest from the group darted back to the mouse hole where the others were still investigating, tail straight up alarm.

_“Something’s coming”_

He hissed and darted silently into the thick brush away from the thunderpath to hide followed quickly by the other four.

They heard it before they saw or even smelled it, a crooning bird-like song but warped, singing softly to itself. It was at this point Sandstorm came to the horrifying revelation that the apprentice had likely told the whole truth of what had happened. 

_“dum de dum dum de dum dilldly wa wapu didly dum didly dum didly dum wapu… when the days hustle and bustle is done… ladidi la la ladididy wapu… the gumby cats work…_ it never is done is it?”

A hulking figure, a twoleg with the features of a cat with a thick sandy pelt swayed and twirled along the edge of the thunderpath before spinning to a stop at the mouse hole. 

_“I’m deeply concerned for the state of the mice…_ well yes I am. Now come on out little friends it’s time for class!” 

Alarmingly a stream of hundreds of mice streamed out of the hole like a flood on twolegs and began, doing something! Circling the not-cat to the rhythm of the not-bird-song? 

Sandstorm looked at Brackenfur who was next to her with wide eyes silently asking if he was seeing what she was and was met with an alarmed nod in confirmation. Horrified, Sandstorm looked back to the creature to watch the mice…jump into its fur and disappear as if swallowed up by the river.

The creature sighed and twirled around before continuing its way along the edge of the thunderpath, swaying like a tree in the breeze. 

_“dum de dum dum de dum dilldly wa wapu didly dum didly dum didly dum wapu…their behavior not good and their manners not nice...”_

As soon as it was out of sight Sandstorm whipped around to her group and hissed

“We’re returning to camp _right now_.”

And, without further prompting, all five dashed into the forest as if their tails were on fire, never looking back to see if there were more creatures where that one had come from.


	2. Chapter 2

Two nights later it was time for a gathering between the clans at four trees. The entirety of Thunder Clan was on edge, unsure what to do about the creatures that were seemingly taking away all the mice for something called… class? Sandstorm’s report was alarming, and while Firestar debated over keeping it quiet it would likely result in distrust and suspicion if word did somehow get out he was keeping secrets. They had all seen what had happened to Bluestar when her secrets got out… Yes, transparency was the best choice, no matter how alarming the truth may be.

Sandstorm’s tale, while bizarre and completely outside of what was thought to be possible a meer day ago, was accepted better than the tale the apprentice had told. Sandstorm was a valued and trusted member of the clan backed by four witnesses, also valued and respected members of the clan. 

The group that Dustpelt led to the border at the break of dawn had interrogated three separate kittypets, including Firestar’s sister, who claimed that many street cats and fellow kittypets alike had gone missing lately and those that lived closer to the center of the twoleg place had discovered strange scents in their yards when they were let out, starting about a moon ago. 

Graystripe’s group to the Wind Clan border found strange scents similar to what both Sandstorm’s group and the apprentice had described but in a higher frequency. Definitely more than four or five creatures had been around, perhaps ten or so, all continuing into Wind Clan territory, and despite waiting for a long time and pacing the border, the group found no sign of a Wind Clan hunting party or even a lone warrior patrolling the border as usual. 

All of this was becoming increasingly strange, but they couldn’t risk trespassing into other clan’s territories but with the gathering coming up, perhaps there would be answers among the other clans.

Likely the most bizarre thing, even beyond mysterious cat-twoleg hybrids kidnapping mice, was that lately on the increasingly rare occasion a warrior would come across a mouse it would be wearing what seemed to be tiny twoleg removable pelts and walking on their hind legs. When they sensed the presence of a hunter they’d turn around and in the language of cats start arguing for their life and how it was unethical to eat them! While warriors largely had no concept, or need for ethics, no mice would end up a meal during this time because it was so creepy to eat things that could talk back and the mice would escape while the hunters were paralyzed in alarm. 

Thunder Clan brought fewer members of their clan to this gathering, leaving apprentices and three-fourths of all able warriors at camp. Despite the young apprentice being the only one assaulted by the creatures so far and coming away with only mental scars and a few bruises, if the creatures somehow found camp and attacked while a large number of their forces were away… well, Firestar didn’t even want to consider it. The queens and elders had largely volunteered to help guard and fight if something were to happen, One-eye in particular insisting she could probably kill a few twolegs if she felt like it, but Firestar didn’t want to take any chances.

The walk to four trees was tense and quiet, every warrior shifting into either fight or flight at the slightest rustle of leaves. When they reached four trees, however things got more confusing and tense if that was even possible. There were twelve members of Wind Clan present and they looked, haunted. Gaunt with matted fur and thousand-yard stares, paws coated in muck and the strange shiny dirt Sandstorm and her group had found. They clumped together, not moving from their position at the base of the tree closest to Wind Clan territory. Their leader, Tallstar looked particularly worse for wear with singed fur as if struck by lightning and bald patches on his long tail and back. He was talking quietly with the leaders of River Clan and Shadow Clan and with the arrival of Thunder Clan he looked up with weary eyes and beckoned the final leader over.

Firestar bounded over in alarm, concern clear on his face,

“What happened?”

Tallstar seemed to deflate and sighed,

“The time of Wind Clan seems to be over,”

Firestar gasped but the other two leaders just looked sullen, Tallstar had likely been explaining to them when Thunder Clan arrived. He flicked his long now balding rat-like tail towards the huddled members of his clan,

“These twelve are the only ones to follow me and escape from camp.”

“What do you mean?”

The only ones to escape? To follow their leader? Was there an insurrection in Wind Clan? It seemed Tallstar’s deputy was missing, did they grow tired of the elder cat reigning and want power for themselves? That didn’t seem in character, and for Wind Clan to be displaced twice in a generation. Unheard of. There were the weakest of the clans but… well.

“These creatures, half cat, half twoleg, they invaded camp and did… something. It was so quick, like a storm. I’m not sure what happened to be honest but soon members of my own clan I had known since kithood were attacking us to the sound of song and one of the creatures, they called themselves ‘Jellicle cats’ began shooting lightning from his paws. If these twelve hadn’t seen it as well and the lightning had not left its mark on me, I think I would have believed it a hallucination. We’ve been staying at four trees for the time being, until tonight we were too afraid to seek out the other clans in fear that the jellicles had invaded as well.” 

Firestar’s eyes widened and he quickly relayed all his findings to the other leaders, from the apprentice’s encounter to Sandstorm’s and what the kittypets had told Dustpelt. Mistystar of River Clan reported that they had seen no strange activity, but Blackstar of Shadow Clan mentioned the odd goings-on in the twoleg dump that they had written off, but might be related to these strange creatures.  
The four leaders conversed and argued as their clan members milled around confused before coming to a decision. The four clans (or three and a bit clans) would track down and take out these creatures and return peace to their forest (well, as peaceful as four frequently warring clans of cats could be). This would end tonight! Or… however long it takes to track them down.  
————

Meanwhile, the Jellicle cats were having a great time singing and dancing and generally doing whatever they wanted. Their recent expansion from one side of the city to the other was very exciting! Many of the Jellicles had been upset when the humans cleaned up their dump and made the one across town the only one, but this new area was actually so much better and practically in the backyard of Gus the Theater Cat’s illustrious theater meaning he could start coming to more meetings as it had been hard for him to get across town in his old age.

And there were so many new cats to teach about being a Jellicle! Those sweet little cats they found in the brushlands were just adorable and so angry, but they’d be perfect to join, they even had similar spiritual devotion already, it just needed to be redirected into Jelliclism! The little house cats they had picked up as well were so earnest in embracing their lifestyle too! So exciting! Perhaps one would even win this year’s Jellicle ball and become a true Jellicle in their next life.

The group lounged around in the new dump when a call was heard, a call that sounded like dozens of cats screaming in outrage. The Jellicles crept over in their musical way to see dozens and dozens of non-Jellicle cats at the entrance of the dump. 

Old Deuteronomy, leader of the Jellicle cats stepped forward, arms wide in greeting,

“Ah the warrior cats of the forest, I greet you and welcome to-“

He was cut off as about fifty cats attempted to tackle him to the ground causing the other Jellicles to dash in to help their leader and devolving into an all-out brawl to the death. 

The Magical Mister Mistoffelees didn’t join in the brawl but instead swung a sheet and summoned Old Deuteronomy to a safe location and out of the range of the hissing, writhing pile of claws and teeth and tap shoes as the warriors and jellicles alike attempted to gut the other party.

Backing out of the pile, Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat began tapping in a rhythm to summon a giant train out of the garbage littering the battlefield and smashed it into the ground, crushing dozens of foes and allies alike. However, when the train broke apart, all Jellicle fighters were safely inside and thirty non-jellicles were left injured on the ground below.

With Old Deuteronomy safe, The Magical Mister Mistoffelees began to shoot lightning at the still-standing enemy cats, yet was knocked to the ground as some began to rally and take out what they saw as the most obvious threat at the time.

They fought long into the night and into the cloudy dawn, cats on both sides falling to injuries and bodies littering the ground. 

\----

Curious about the screeching noises outside a young teen working the dawn shift at the concession stand at a rather mediocre theater, decided to peak out the back door just to see what was going on. 

Many of the brawling cats stopped as the door of Gus the Theater Cat’s illustrious home suddenly opened and a human’s face poked out. And for a second there was silence as what seemed like hundreds of cats, none of whom appeared even the slightest bit anthropomorphic to their eyes, in an all-out battle to the death turned and looked in unison at the human. For what felt like an eternity they stared at each other before the human quickly blinked and seemed to come out of their stupor before quickly retreating back into the den with a slam which seemed to break the spell over the cats as well as they began continuing to do their best to claw each other to death. 

The concession worker had no idea what they had hurried over to the payphone in the lobby and retrieved the thick phone book from the shelf to find the number for animal control.

\----

Animal control showed up an hour later, two men exhausted at being called in so early in the morning about a cat battle taking place in the dump. They had figured the kid who called was exaggerating but were floored to witness just how many cats there were. There must have been a hundred or so, many of them lying motionless on the ground. Yeah, this might be out of their pay grade but they had a job to do.

The cats all stopped as the pair of twolegs arrived in their monster and there was a ripple of fear among both sides of the conflict. Suddenly the elderly jellicle who had attempted to talk to the warriors when they arrived crested over a large pile of twoleg refuse and spread his weird forelegs wide using his divine Jellicle powers to drag the souls of cats back from Star Clan and the Heavy Side Lair and placed them back into their bodies. All warriors living and until recently dead started panicking but the old cat-twoleg hybrid called out in a gentle voice,

“My friends! We have not much time! Animal control has arrived and shall steal us all away! We have a common enemy and if we strike while they are distracted gathering their gear we can win!”

Freaked out to the point many warriors would develop pre-mature gray fur in the coming days from the frequent bouts of terror they had felt in the past few days, the warriors looked to their leaders in question of what to do.

Firestar cleared his throat,

“We have a common enemy for now but don’t think this is over!”

At that both sides turned to attack the twolegs as they exited their monster from the back, swiftly overwhelming them in numbers and power and bringing them to the ground where they were tied up, unconscious but not dead, by a rainbow-colored thing that one of the jellicles produced from nowhere. 

Returning into battle positions the warriors were halted once again by the old jellicle,

“Please there is no need to fight any longer, tell me your grievances with our group and we shall attempt to solve this as civilized cats”

Still freaked out by the old cat bringing fallen warriors back to life, the warrior leaders decided to do the logical thing and tell Old Deuteronomy why they had attacked in the first place. From the mice to Wind Clan disappearing.

The old jellicle chuckled, 

“My friends, you simply should have asked”

He gestured to The Magical Mister Mistoffelees who swept the ground once more and the entirety of the missing Wind Clan members appeared from beneath, dazed and confused.

“We simply wished for them to take part in our festivities but we shall return them to you, as for the mice, I shall endeavor to talk to Jenny-Any-Dots to keep her mouse classes to the city and out of the forest. I believe that is all, ah but if any of you have an interest in our way of life please do not hesitate to come visit.” 

In a flash of light, all the Jellicle cats waved at the warriors, bowed and disappeared.

The journey back to the forest was undertaken in complete silence, not a meow or mutter shared as each clan made their way home, shell-shocked and confused over the nature of their seemingly permanent new neighbors.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Andrea and my sister for helping with this and not helping with this respectively lol.


End file.
